All that powdery white stuff you find on tropical beaches is rubbish isn’t it? You can’t even call it sand really. Sand is a building material. And let’s be honest, what fun is the beach if you can’t build a sandcastle? We’re not talking bucket and spade jobs here either. If a toddler can’t get through the door and stand clear of the ceiling by the time you’re finished, frankly you’re not trying hard enough.
You can keep your sparkly clear waters and bright coral reefs and tropical fish. Coral is spiky and fire coral really hurts. Plus there are sharks and things. No, rockpooling is where it’s at. Casting your net around looking for crabs and prawns. Really good rockpooling spots even have lobsters and mussels – and if your catch is a decent size, you’ve also bagged yourself a slap up dinner!
Hook-a-duck, dodgems, candy floss, waltzers, penny arcades and, if you’re lucky, a comedy show. You don’t get that in the Maldives do you, eh? Just a load of boring old so-called-sand with nothing to do except read your book. You can do that anywhere.
Fish and Chips.
You can travel the world, but everyone knows you won’t find better fish and chips than at the Great British Seaside. Straight out of the newspaper if you can. Delicious! What have tropical beaches got to offer? Just a load of coconuts lying around the place. And a bounty bar is much easier to get into.
Luxury resorts are fine for what they are, but once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. British seaside accommodation, on the other hand, is wild and varied territory, from retro caravans to cosy cottages to bed and breakfasts that – if you choose well – even come complete with a mad landlady and her crazy dog. Now that’s what I call a holiday!