Edinburgh, on the Fringe

Milton Jones - Sat 26 March 2011 -0151“I’ve just been on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.” Are you laughing yet? Well, you should be! Or maybe it’s the way you tell ’em that counts… This was the one-liner that won Tim Vine the coveted ‘Best Joke 2010’ award at the Edinburgh Fringe festival. Held every August, the 4 week festival is an explosion of drama, dance and comedy and Edinburgh is temporary home to approximately 1.9 million visitors! Comedy makes up just over a third of the Fringe shows and tickets are quick to go. Here are some of the best one liners from comedians with shows on at this year’s Fringe:

Milton Jones:

When my grandfather became ill, my grandmother greased his back. He went downhill very quickly after that.
Just got goosebumps. Dressed up as a goose and said it was my birthday.
Just went through a lovely pine forest. But it smelt strangely of air freshener…

Tim Vine:

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.
So I went to buy a watch and the man in the shop said “Analogue.” I said “No, just a watch.”
So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said “Tenpin?” I said, “No, it’s a permanent job.”
I told my mum I’d bought a theatre, “Are you having me on?” she said “Well, ” I said “I’ll give you an audition but I can’t make any promises.”

Mark Watson:

Well, as my dad used to say, ‘money: you can’t take it with you.’ Which led to some pretty boring holidays.
Saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was “Shout For Help.”

Image: “Milton Jones – Sat 26 March 2011 -0151 by The Queen’s Hall, on Flickr”

Other posts: